


In The Back of Your Mind

by Demonskull



Series: Arcana Swap AU [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, arcana swap au, fleshing out au/writing practice, haru/makoto but im not tagging it bc its only in the last chapter, sundae ramen, trans mishima yuuki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 05:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demonskull/pseuds/Demonskull
Summary: The Thieves' Personas' influence them, even before awakening.





	1. Part I - Ryuji Sakamoto, The Fool

That day, I had to go home early. I wasn’t feeling good, so the nurse told me to go home. My cousin, Chie, and her girlfriend were at work, so I had to walk home. “Good thing it isn’t far,” I remember thinking.

I was idly scrolling through my phone while I walked when I heard it.

“Just get in the car!” A gruff voice yells.

I jump a bit and shove my phone in my pocket, picking up the pace.

“Stop it!” Another pleas.

I turn the corner and see a struggle right in my path. Something is very, very wrong. I have to intervene!

“How dare you cross me!” Coming into focus, a man pulling on a woman’s arm.

“Stop it! Let me go!” She looks terrified. Is he trying to rape her?

As I get closer, I notice the man is definitely drunk. And… Where do I recognize that face from?

“No…!”

“Don’t give me that shit…”

She’s in danger.

“Ow! P-Please, stop…!”

I can’t ignore this, I have to save her…!

I run up as fast as I can, pull back my fist, and punch him in the jaw as hard as I can. He falls onto the floor and sputters.

“Yeah! How ya like that?!” I taunt, getting between him and the woman. I notice he spits something out. Blood, or teeth, or both.

“D-Dahm bhrat… I’ll shue!” It sounds like he’s having trouble speaking. Did I break his jaw or something? Jackpot!!

Distantly, I hear sirens. Someone called the cops…? Shit shit SHIT I JUST ASSAULTED SOMEONE!

“Haha… Yoh’re done fohr.” He gets back to his feet and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. Getting closer now… I can’t run away, it’s too late. “Yoh’re gonnah learh whaht happehs wheh yoh cross me.”

“Excuse me, folks,” Two policemen walk up behind the man. “We received a complaint about an argument here. Is something the matter?”

“Goh ohn. Tell the goohd offisher whaht happehed.” He looks at the woman, before turning around.

“Oh! It’s you, sir.”

“This…” The woman hesitates before going on. “This young man suddenly attacked him, and… I think he broke his jaw, or something… He fell to the ground, and lost teeth.”

“It’sh ash she saysh.” The man chimes in. “Mhake shure you deal with thish sho my name ishn’t menshioned at all. Yoh undershtand whaht that meahns, chorrect?”

“Y-Yessir!!”

“Hey, cuff him!”

“Understood!”

* * *

 

Chie had me stay with someone my mom knew in Tokyo, Yoshida Toranosuke, for the duration of my probation. She said he was sweet, and owned a bakery. She seemed to especially stress that I would be fine.

I step off the train to Yongen-Jaya, looking around for the man she described. _Slicked-back hair, friendly face, looks middle-aged._

“Sakamoto-kun!” I hear a voice yell. I look in the direction of it and see the man described waving a hand above his head. I walk toward him, waving. “Nice to see you arrived safely!”

“Hello, Yoshida-san,” I say, smiling a bit.

“Let’s go, I closed just to pick you up.” He starts walking to the exit, and I follow behind.

“Chie told me about your bakery. Is it popular?”

“Not very, but I get by.” He takes a weird turn into a parking lot kind of area, leading me to his car.

We’re silent the rest of the way, the radio on some weird station that seems like he wanted to put on something for me without actually knowing what I like.

When we get there, instead of taking me to his house, he takes me straight to the bakery. The sign has some English word I can’t read on it. Inside, it’s very cozy and cute, with a very brown and purple theme. He leads me upstairs, where I’ll be staying. It’s a lot nicer than most attics? At least?

“You should clean up in here before you do anything. I’ll be downstairs, okay? Yell if you need anything!” And he runs downstairs.

Pff. Cleaning. I can do that!

I brush the stuff off my bed and crash for a few hours.


	2. Part II - Akira Kurusu, The Chariot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hes just trans. dont apply naoto logic to this i swear to god if you do im taking you all down with me
> 
> warning for implied/nongraphic description of rape

I lay in a puddle of fluids, my leg broken and my phone lost. If it weren’t for this Stupid Fucking Uniform, this wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe it’s because I was walking home alone, right?

I try to get up, wincing as my leg reminds me of it’s state once again. No, of course I didn’t forget about you! …Fuck, I can’t walk. I can’t call Dad to pick me up either. This fucking sucks. Guess I’ll, like, crawl around and look for my phone.

A shadow suddenly looms over me. I turn around, looking up into their face.

“Ah. There you are,” It’s my Dad! I smile lightly. “I was getting worried. Why are you on the floor?”

“Leg… Broken,” I manage to croak out. Does my voice really sound like that? He must have been rougher than I thought. It hurts to speak.

He suddenly pulls me up and holds me like a baby. He raises my legs up and looks carefully. He’ll be able to fix it… Right?

“Who did this to you?” He frowns, starting to walk back to the clinic.

“The guy… On TV.” I look down at my skirt, frowning.

“That’s a… Pretty broad category.”

* * *

As it turns out, Dad couldn’t actually fix my leg all the way. I had to quit volleyball because my leg didn’t heal properly.

Anyway, after I quit, I started getting these weird intrusive thoughts. The first in the middle of math, while I was spacing out and pretending to take notes.

‘That shouldn’t have happened to you,’ A strange voice came. This wasn’t just a normal thought, this had a clearly defined voice. Deep, with an echo, and very accented Japanese. ‘Are you going to do something to retaliate against the person that ruined your life?’

‘If I can, I will.’ I thought back.

‘Excellent. Let us proceed with our contract.’ I got this sharp pain in my forehead, as if something was trying to crawl out. ‘I am thou…’

‘No you fucking aren’t, get OUT OF MY HEAD!’ I squeezed my skull so hard I thought it might break.

‘Is that so,’ The voice seemed surprised. The pain stopped as quickly as it started.

“Is there a problem, Akira?” Ms. Usami spit out my name like poison. I distantly wondered when she would stop doing that. It’s my legal name, what’s your problem?!

(She didn’t. She’s still doing it.)

“No, ma’am. Just a migraine.” It was only half a lie, I did have a migraine the rest of the day.

And then, the next. At home this time, at least I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of everyone. I was drawing with the TV idly on in the background. I looked up and saw his stupid fucking face.

‘Wouldn’t you love to kill him? Or make him apologize to you and all others he’s wronged?’

‘I’m not falling for this again,’ Though... The thought was tempting.

‘Understood. I will ask again later, though… Be prepared. I am persistent,’

‘I could tell, thanks.’

Eventually, it became regular.

‘Would you-’

‘GET A LIFE ALREADY!!’

The damn thing still never shuts up.

* * *

Takamaki Ann, my best friend, taps me on the shoulder during lunch and plops down in the seat in front of me, turning it to face me. The sets her lunch on the table and starts digging in. I stay silent, knowing this means she has something good to tell me.

She swallows what’s in her mouth before starting, “So, I learned about a new transfer the other day. I heard he assaulted someone.”

“So?” I say, taking another bite of my onigiri.

“I know him from Inaba,” She suddenly grins wide, “He’s your type, for sure.”

I consider this for a moment before the voice calls again.

‘It’s him!! It’s _him_!!!!!’

‘Who?’

‘The Fool!!!! HIM!!!!!!’

“What’s his name?” I ask, shushing my thoughts for now.

“Sakamoto Ryuji. You’ll like him! He’s nice!”

‘Ask her about him!!! Please please?!!'

“Tell me more,” I smile.


	3. Part III - Satsuki Mishima, The Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for deadnaming and dysphoria

Getting the skirt was surprisingly easy. All I had to do was ask Haru for one of hers. She didn’t even ask why, which was good, because I didn’t have an answer. It was like an itch I had to scratch, a strange impulse.

And now I stand, in front of my full length mirror, staring at my reflection with it on.  Like a strange perversion of the uniform I usually wear, not even technically the full girls uniform because I lacked the socks, and I think,

‘This is the most perfect thing I have ever worn.’

And then it dawns on me, I can’t tell anyone about this, ever. Especially not Kamoshida, he’ll just use it to torture me further, hit me harder, force-

I realize I’m scratching myself so hard that I’m bleeding.

I get the clothes off as quickly as possible and hide them deep, deep in my bottom drawer with all the other Secret Things I have, and take a moment to steady myself as I realize I’m hyperventilating and on the verge of tears, and suddenly I’m thinking way too much about what it would be like if I didn’t have to care about everyone else’s opinions, if I could just make them all understand. I walk over and throw myself on my bed and shove a pillow over my head to either make the thoughts go away or smother myself.

* * *

 

I still find my thoughts, in moments of calm, wandering to what it would be like if I could be myself without everyone caring. I know what would happen if I pursued the idea of being my true self in public.

A kid in my class did so, and everyone branded him as a delinquent, among other things. He seems to have embraced it, though I know the truth. I’ve seen him being cornered a few times, his eyes pleading to me to save him as he gets groped, or threatened, or beaten up. As if I could do anything. ‘Avert your eyes, avert your eyes,’ I tell myself.

It doesn’t work. I feel his stare burning holes into me, tears pricking at the corners of them as I walk faster.

* * *

Looking in the mirror is worse. I see this weird person, staring back at me sadly. Short hair, bags under their eyes, a million pimples from lack of self care, too hard of a jawline. They look so tired. That's me, somehow.

I feel like vomiting. I’m so far removed from my body, the mere reminder I have one, and that the way people perceive me is inherently tied to it, is excruciating.

It’s not normal to feel like this, is it?

* * *

On Saturday, after school, I bring the skirt back to Haru. Maybe this will rid me of this curse and I can forget about all the things I've thought about, go back to the stupid boy I was before.

“Please, take it,” I beg, avoiding eye contact, “I don’t want it any more.”

She cocks her head to the side and frowns a bit, her brow creased in worry.

“Why not? I said you can keep it. It’s not a big deal.” She smiles, probably in an attempt to be reassuring, but it just makes me more insistent.

“I-I just don’t want it any more! Take it!” I press it into her chest, my eyes at her feet in shame. She hesitates before taking the skirt from my hands with a sigh.

“I’m worried about you, Yuuki-kun. You’ve been acting weird,” I watch her hands closely and she puts it in her bag. “You’re way more distant than usual. I hear you’re not even coming to volleyball meets.”

“I just go- got tired is all.” I stammer. Damn, that sounded so fake!! What’s wrong with me?

“If you need to take a day or two off, that’s fine… But don’t push yourself if something’s going on, okay?” She puts a hand on my shoulder and I squirm a bit. “You can tell me anything.”

I turn my head, rubbing the back of my neck, “Yeah, I’ll uh… Keep that in mind.”

I can't tell anyone about this.


	4. Part IV - Shinya Oda, The Emperor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for child abuse. maybe

I put down my pencil and sketchbook, flopping back on my futon, completely drained of ideas. I reach over and grab my phone, turning the screen on.

1:47 AM

‘Haven’t eaten in that long?’ My stomach growls as I think this and I grab it, getting up to go to the kitchen with a sigh. I run as fast as I can, opening the fridge and see…

‘Nothing, again. Of course.’ I think, and groan out loud. The cupboards, maybe? I turn and open one, my face lighting up as I see a box of those toaster pastry things. I grab the box and tear it open, grabbing two and tearing them open, throwing away the icing, and shove one in my mouth.

‘Is this healthy? What if Sensei’s-’ I shake that thought away as I walk back to my room, starting on the other one and sitting back on my futon. I think for a bit and turn the TV on, flipping through the channels for something worthwhile. ‘I said, what if Sensei’s withholding food from you?’

He-

He wouldn’t do that, would he?

My thoughts are turned back to the TV as some news report comes on about a rapist being fired from his job as a gym teacher, and arrested. This grabs my attention for some reason, but I change the channel anyway, trying to look for something entertaining. News, news, news, singing competition, terrible Western cartoons, news… Wait, all the news is talking about is either that gym guy or the mental shutdowns. Is it really that big of a deal?

I think about this for a second before flipping the channel again. That detective guy -- Akechi’s talking again. This grabs my attention too. He’s talking about the Phantom Thieves, the people that apparently got that gym teacher fired and arrested. Him too? Maybe this really is a big deal. He gets up to ask an audience member a question. I flip the channel.

‘Are you too scared to think about this because you know what’s going to happen?’ Wait, what? What’s going to happen?

‘You’re going to change your own fate.’

I turn the TV off, intrigued by this voice in my head.

So what’s that mean? Why are you being so vague?

‘You’re going to change His heart. And, I have to, unless we make a deal.’

I groan at this, rubbing my face with my hands. You’re still being vague, stupid voice! And I know how these stories usually go, I’m not stupid enough to curse myself!! DUH!

‘And yet…’ Those two words send a shiver down my spine for some reason. I move my stuff to the floor next to my futon and pull the covers over my head, a silent plea for the voice to go away. And it does. But not for long.

* * *

I apparently fell asleep last night, because I wake up to the sound of my bedroom door opening and Sensei calling my name.

Wait.

I didn’t draw anything, did I? I’m screwed.

“Shinya? Wake up, sleepyhead.” Sensei says as he puts a hand on my side. I jump and my skin burns from where he was touching, way too close. “Ah, good morning.”

“Good morning, Sensei.” I try not to make eye contact, shamefully keeping my eyes on my sketchbook, discarded to the floor.

He follows my gaze and looks to my sketchbook, “Did you draw anything last night?”

I take a deep breath, “No, I didn’t. I’m sorry, Sensei.” I dip my head and close my eyes.

“Hmm. If this ‘dry streak’ keeps up, I may have to punish you.” My eyes snap open and I back up as far as I can.

‘Saw that coming.’

Not now!

He pauses for a second, looking absolutely livid at me. I’m frozen in my spot.

And then he laughs. And I’m so confused.

“Come on, Shinya. You know I’d never hurt you, right?”

But I’m not so sure.


	5. Part V - Haru Okumura, The Priestess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for deadnaming

“Investigate the Phantom Thieves.”

The order was simple, and I had already narrowed it down before he asked me to do it, but…

Something’s telling me that if I go through with this, something terrible will happen.

I go over my suspects again, picking up a notebook and pencil to sketch out a map of the situation.

Sakamoto, the new transfer, arrested for assault. Seems to have a hero complex, so he might have gone after Kamoshida for that reason...

Kurusu, a delinquent and former member of the volleyball team (and therefore, was probably a target for Kamoshida as well). Friends with Sakamoto…

Yuuki, one of my friends (this sounds so stupid as I think it, am I seriously friends with a Phantom Thief?). Abused by Kamoshida, and friends with Sakamoto and Kurusu…

Oda, a (very young) student under Madarame I found after a bit of, let’s call it, “Investigation.” He hangs out with the other three, and I think he’s staying at Sakamoto’s house as well…

I look over my map and this all seems to add up. I don’t like this. Even my audio and picture evidence supports all this.

_Pi-Pi-Pi!_

I jump as my phone chimes, snapping me out of my thoughts. I reach over and unlock it.

Speak of the Devil, it’s Yuuki.

_< can we talk?_

_< it’s important so i’d prefer we do it in person_

I fall back onto my bed with a thump. Why does everything always happen at once or not at all? I type back a reply anyway.

_Sure. Where should we meet up? >_

_< uhmm_

_< the café i guess. unless you have somewhere else in mind_

_That’s fine. Be there in a few. >_

* * *

 

Yuuki’s already started on a plate of fries when I get there, scrolling through his phone with an anxious look on his face. I slide in the booth across from him and he looks up at me.

I suddenly realize this has happened before, and I think for a moment on this, but I decide to push the thought away because no, that’s not possible, he’s not that kind of person.

“So, uh,” He begins, but immediately stops himself and makes a weird humming noise. I notice he’s making a point not to look at me.

“Yuuki-kun, I have important things to do if you just called me out to eat.” I tap my finger lightly on the table. He seems to cave in on himself, taking a deep breath.

“R-Right…” He runs a hand through his hair, “So, I’ve been doing some self-examination.”

I think he’s lying, but I say nothing, grabbing a few of his fries and nodding my head.

“I kind of… Like, I’m not…” He squeaks something out under his breath. I tilt my head a bit, watching him. He grabs the edge of the table and pushes himself onto the back of the cushion of the booth, breathing in so hard I can hear it. This is painful to watch.

“Are you- Do you need me to call a hospital?” I ask, reaching over the table to touch his hand.

“I’M A GIRL, OKAY?!” They blurt out, hyperventilating.

“You’re going to get us kicked out,” I remind them, looking around.

“Haru,” They squeak out, sinking into their seat.

“What is it?”

“I’m so happy,” They sit up straight again, looking about ready to cry. “I- C-Can you call me Satsuki?”

“Okay, Satsuki-chan.” I smile, “It suits you.”

“I love you,” Her tears finally spill over and I realize I can’t just leave her to rot. I have to protect her, and if that means I have to protect the rest of the Phantom Thieves, then fine.

If she’s a Phantom Thief, maybe they aren’t so bad, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its like a friendship i love you


	6. Part VI - Futaba Yoshida, The Hermit

I type into my terminal, beginning the code for my new project, a way to communicate with the leader of the Phantom Thieves anonymously though my new alias, “Morgana.”

‘Hey?’

Hmm. Don’t like that. I press two fingers to my temple and shake my head, still typing with my right hand.

‘Hey, so, I think I just started existing now and stuff, but I think you might need to know something. Maybe?’

I save my work and push out from my desk, ignoring the thoughts desperately trying to grab my attention. I needed a snack break anyway. I head to the kitchen, stretching as I think about what I want to eat.

‘Hey, hey!! Don’t ignore me, I’m trying to HELP YOU.’ The voice uselessly increases in volume and intensity.

Scary. Hah! It’ll take more than that. Ooh, maybe I can make some of that new cup ramen. Tora said it’s good. What was it, chocolate flavor? Ice cream?

‘More than that, huh? Easy!’ I feel an itch on the side of my head and scratch at it as I riffle through the cupboard. “Sundae Ramen?” Sounds weird. ‘Turn around.’

I roll my eyes at this one and spin on my heels.

It’s me? But not _me_. He’s in some sort of ancient Egyptian getup with a sullen look on his face. I pause for a second, taking it in.

“Uhh, hello?” He waves a hand in front of my face. “Earth to Futaba!”

“Lookin’ cool,” I say simply, going for the drawer with the pots in it.

“Hm. That’s what you focus on?” He shakes his head, seemingly to take himself out of his thoughts. “Anyway, I gotta tell you, you’re really kinda. Hm, How do I…” He trails off.

“Can you go away if you’re going to talk in circles? I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not talking in circles, we’re just both dumb as hell.”

“That’s fair, actually.”

“Anyway, you’re lying to yourself and you know it! Admit it!”

“Uh, okay,” I put the water on to boil, opening the weird ramen package. “I’m lying to myself.”

“Wait, you don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?”

“Not a clue.”

“Fuck. Alright, think on it, and if you can’t figure it out, I guess I’ll come back.”

“Please don’t, actually.”

(The ramen sucked a lot less than I thought.)

* * *

It was reaching about 11:30 PM when there was a knock at my door.

“Futaba?” It’s Tora, sounding worried, “I’m leaving your dinner here. Please eat.”

I pause to get up and stretch, then kicking some stuff out of my way as I make my way to my door. I open the door to grab my food. It doesn’t look like it was made by Tora, though. It’s some kind of miso soup. It’s kind of cold but it smells and looks really good.

“Hey, who made this?” I shout into the next room.

“The kid staying it Le Noir!” Tora shouts back.

A chill runs down my spine. It’s all connected, I see…

My brain hurts all of a sudden but I take the soup into my room and eat it while I continue coding. It reaches about 3:45 AM without incident. And then the other me decides to chime in again.

“Doing good so far?”

“Eat shit and die.”

“Charming. Gonna be real easy to get a girlfriend that way.”

“Cut it out.” I wave a hand in his direction without stopping, not letting him take away my focus again.

He floats up and onto the top of my monitor, appearing to sit on it like a cat. “Why so hostile? We are the same, after all.”

“No, we aren’t. You’re a hallucination.”

“Hey! I take offense to that!”

“Go away already, I’m already going to get my heart changed, what more do you want?”

“Oh you know. For you to accept my contract?”

“And let me guess, the fine print allows you to kill me or something? Please, I’m not THAT dumb.”

“Pff, your loss.” And he fades away after a bit.

…

Maybe I should get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the ramen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzqxMBmlXlE except its premade


	7. Part VII - Makoto Niijima, The Empress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay (though i didnt really say there was posting times on this...) on this chapter. i couldnt figure out what i wanted to write

I put the finishing touches on my dishes and smile. I think I did a really good job!

I made Haru's favorite, I rented a movie for us to watch, there's nothing going on for her today, AND Sae's out! Everything's perfect. I can finally relax and have a nice night with my girlfriend for the first time in months.

_Pi-Pi! Pi-Pi!_

And there she is now! I hurry over and pick up my phone, quickly unlocking it and reading her text.

_< Mako-chan, I'm sorry, I can't make it today._

My heart drops. I text her back, worrying something really bad happened, like she got sick or hurt or her dad's in the hospital or one of her friends died. _Stop Thinking._

_Wait why?!! Are you OK!! >_

_< My dad just wanted me to work today because it was busy. I'm fine._

Bastard. This always happens whenever we set aside a night for each other. It's like he's trying to keep us separated or something. _No, I Know He Is._ I need to have a word with that guy. I sigh as I turn my phone off and put it down, grabbing some foil on my way back to the food so I can pack it up. I should get a marker, too, Sae might eat it..

 _I Need To Do Something About This,_ I think as I wrap up the food, and I laugh a bit. What am I gonna do, really? Even if I talk to him, it'll probably go in one ear and out the other. I get the impulse, for some reason, to ask one of Haru's friends of she's done this for them, or if it's just me. As I keep thinking I find myself growing more and more angry. _How Dare He Keep Me Away From Her?_

I finish marking the plates and I grab the edge of the table, taking a deep breath. Get a hold of yourself, Makoto, this isn't something to be that mad about. I notice, suddenly, I'm sweating all over. Why am I so mad over this? I put the plates in the fridge and get my keys and my phone. A walk can fix this. I don't even bother putting on a jacket as I go out the door.

I walk aimlessly, not paying attention, letting my mind's eye guide me where it wishes. My legs get tired but I keep going, I feel like if I stop I might get hurt or something. When I finally feel like stopping for real, I look around at where I am. My thoughts reach a boiling point as I read the sign.

I'm at Haru's father's diner.

Something tells me, _Get Out Your Phone,_ and I do. I turn the screen on and unlock it, all that shows up is a red eye icon. I tap it, trying to make it go away. Suddenly I get a splitting headache. I sigh deeply, very deeply, and I turn off my phone screen and walk in.

The inside is way different to what it usually looks like in here. I don't have a lot of time to take it in before a voice calls out to me.

"Are you lost?"

I turn around and I see something that definitely should not exist. Am I hallucinating? It's a black creature with one huge eye in the middle of it's forehead and a huge smile. It has two horns (or cat ears?) and is dressed in blue and yellow.

"I... Don't think so?" I reply back to the thing, pushing some hair out of my eyes. "Is this Okumura's Diner?"

"In a way." The creature crosses it's grotesquely long arms. I notice it's mouth doesn't move when it speaks. "I'm Alibaba. And you are...?"

"Niijima Makoto."

"That won't do."

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pyroiand)   
>  [ask.fm](https://ask.fm/pegoryu)   
>  [tumblr](http://combustiblecutie.tumblr.com/)   
>  [deviantart](https://pegoryu.deviantart.com/)   
>  [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/demonskull)   
> 
> 
> please comment on what you think i could do better, i want to improve in any way i can


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